Despite his temperamental cardiovascular system periodically trying and failing for the past 40 years to send him to his Maker, we are sad to finally announce the passing of Michael "HAM Radio" Mattison (for real this time - not like before when he was hiding from bookies and ex-girlfriends) on Monday, August 29, after a long and hard-fought battle with the nursing staff at DePaul Hospital (who were objectively probably very good at their jobs.)

Mike is preceded in death by parents Albert "Snakes" and Emma (Heob) Mattison, and brother Terry Mattison.  He is survived by sister Sandra (Mattison) McKinney, brother and sister-in-law Ralph and Crystal (Hawkins) Mattison, sister-in-law Jo-Ann (Greer) Mattison, and nieces and nephews Lauren (Mattison) Whittington, Wesley Mattison, Ben Mattison, Jessica (Mattison) Donze, and Cory (Mattison) Dickens. Mike also leaves behind somewhere around a dozen great nieces and nephews, an impressively large chosen family of close lifelong friends, his family at Murphy's, and an unopened Donald Trump Chia Pet.

Mike graced the world with his presence on February 17 in 1954. As is common for the often-overlooked middle child, Mike excelled at numerous under achievements before settling into a comfortable mediocrity which was never immediately apparent thanks to his strong jaw, flowing curls, passable guitar skills, and a mustache that made Sam Elliott and Tom Selleck look like choir boys. Mike loved beers, music, parties, and arguably beautiful women. Mike never met a Bud Light that failed to quench his thirst; or a nurse, flight attendant or nun who he didn't invite to breakfast in the rudest way imaginable.

Mike was a hero outlaw with a spectacular Missouri Casenet record which includes a 17 year streak of late summer Wesmeade Subdivision noise ordinance violations; an outright ban from 9 of the 27 EU member-states; a plea from the mayor of Tijuana to please never visit again; and ejections from two KC and the Sunshine Band concerts. Mike was a founding member of the St. Louis Chapter of the Hell's Angels, but was dismissed for being too wild (and for never having owned a motorcycle).

Always the consummate sportsman, Mike was wildly okay at football, softball, alpine ski jumping, and mini golf. Equally as impressive, it is estimated that Mike has lost millions of dollars throughout his lifetime on sports betting on football, basketball, bass fishing, and spaghetti wrestling at Daddy's Money on Broadway up on the Northside.

Mike tried diligently to foster a reputation for disliking children and pets. But if the dusty box of photos discovered in his closet, full of yellowed school pictures of nieces and nephews and an entire roll of film of his mangy but presumably loyal dog, Cooper, are not enough evidence that Mike was an old softy, Randy Clemons reports that he cried like a baby when Becky's cat, of whom he retained custody when they parted ways, died.

The author of this obituary for a long time suspected the motive of always keeping two pockets full of quarters was simply so Mike could send any surprise-visiting kids to the back room at The Brew House to play arcade games allowing him to use colorful language and tell dirty jokes without the snot-nosed minors cramping his style. (Kids repeating colorful language and dirty jokes would have only served their parents right for bringing their children to a bar, but it was the 80s). The same author of this obituary realizes she may have misjudged his motives when she was reminded of all the terrific Christmas presents she and her cousins received from Mike, who never EVER forgot the batteries.

Mike's generosity didn't end with his siblings' ungrateful kids.  Mike deserves credit, which he never would have sought, for a multiple year streak of organizing and distributing Toys for Tots at the VFW; starting with humble beginnings, then growing to a huge event that no doubt brought joy to multitudes of children.  Mike's charitable nature continues post-mortem with the generous donation of this body to science.  And not just because it includes a free burial!  It was Mike's wish to benefit all of humanity in the hopes that by studying his anatomy, scientists would discover the cause of, and develop the cure for extraordinarily large ears.  Probably.

Mike was the life of the party, a solid friend, and favorite uncle who lived life to beyond the fullest; who will be missed dearly.  Mike's only regret was winning his bet with Jessie, who swore that Mike would prove that ornery people live the longest. She owes him $20, a case of beer, and a really questionable photo of Bea Aurthur.

We will be saying goodbye to Mike in the only way appropriate at a Celebration of Life on Saturday, September 3, 2022 at 1:00 pm at Murphy's Bar and Grill in Creve Coeur.